Landing in Feathers~ I hope soon

~With every page of my life that turns ~
Hope for growth, strength, knowledge and self awareness come to my thoughts. I know what my weaknesses are, and I honestly have tried and am determined to strengthen the very things that haunt and prevent me from achieving the real happiness that I know that I deserve.

This Chapter has been very difficult on many levels of my heart, mind, soul and spirit. One thing that I try to remember..[and i did say try] is that when something keeps presenting its self without resolution obviously you aren't learning and doing what needs to be done.
Those that know who I am at the core understand the hard headed lady that I am..and so it seems it takes me a long time for realism to latch on make me see what I need to see.
That old saying, try and try and try again.....well, you can not bring that into real personal events..not really. Just as the saying An old horse can not learn new tricks...hmm thoughts on that more real..lol.
Decisions for me can be very challenging. *Not to sound like I am a weak or incapable of being self relying, but there is a part of me who would love to relinguish my reins for true love. Is there such a thing? I am waiting...and have learned many things that I can carry with me always. I honestly would like to be partnered with someone who likes to be in charge. Who would take honor in giving me his love and who wants to take care of me and my needs. I guess I was sharing just then some of my dreams.. I am a Libran the only sign of partnership..and who loves to be in love and be surrounded with love, beauty, harmony. but it has taken this libran a very long time to realize that dreams are fairy tales...and fairy tales never come to pass. Loneliness is a horrible feeling and it roots very deep once it is welcomed.
The root of decisions that I made in the past have been made and revolve around someone else, rather than myself.. No, I am not a martor, but my nature is that of a giving one and many times things done are done with my heart and I haven't ever thought through with my head. A hard lesson that I have had to learn through many tears and heartbreaking times. I do believe in sacrifice and giving to those that I love or think that I love. Once faced with the enevidable When you know it is time to just walk away and cut your losses and give up what was never going to be love anyway.. is a hard pill to swallow.
Everyone who has given an not been given back to or who has been hurt through some type of personal experience knows where I am going with this. However, my down fall of being that kind, jest woman. is that I do not adapt well to lots of change. At these times I know it is the lack of self worth and esteem that hold me to the world that makes me so unhappy.

The feeling of being uprooted and starting all over again is not the type of things that are on my ""wow, I can't wait list" " Changes that effect my mind, soul and feelings are most hard for me. We can not always have the things that we want nor is someone else willing to give them to you.

With the hope of a new fresh time just ahead for me ,honestly I am ready for this change that has presented its self to me and has for close to two years. How was I so negligent to see such things? Was it the pride of knowing what I have done to try to make something work? Lack of love that I have for myself? The challenge of force to change until clear recently...Only I guess the spirit that looks after their loved ones truly know these things..I am just so grateful that he kept showing me until I could see what needed to be shown to me. I needed to see as well as feel with my head and not just with my heart.
""Don't fight what the inevitable"" it will only bring more misery to your life.

~warmest thoughts,
e