Reality or Wishful Thinking?

Change with the wind instead of fighting for a breath of air.....A gentle breeze touches my skin and it is a comforting and serene feeling.

Inside, as I think of the dreams that I have yet to fulfill. This day I feel a sense of certain knowing that I am going to be alright. Vibrations of a different energy are buzzing around ...Maybe the closing of old wounds..acceptance of the inevidable or maybe just that the long road that I have been on has finally come to the fork that I have been waiting to see..
.To close the door of those hauntings things that have carried for too long.
The detachment of old scars that I have held like a torch bright for anyone to see and the emptyness that came along with those feelings..they are deminishing.
At last....to be able to breathe and find love in my heart again...
The feeling of closeness and knowing who you are....what you want...what you stand for...what you live for....In every exhale...What you reap is what you will sow. Acceptance has been a very large challenge for me personally. I have had my heart broke too many times to count [those of you reading me...411 by one man] Cried so many tears that I know to fill an ocean. But what has changed is me...I had to learn a valuable lesson. I have learned and I am willing to proceed with the next step in my path.
What you give to those in your life...Tenderness and love without conditions or without alterior motives. One thing that I have learned is not to compromise all of yourself ...well, I mean not to compromise your value, self respect, honor. Once an important teacher and friend told me that once you compromise the very thing that you hold dear. You will soon be followed with the resentment and begin to lose who you really are. I speak from experience. I let myself fall and the outcome was most hurtful . At the time, I felt as though I would gain by giving into something that wasn't who I was, but felt that is what ~they wanted and of course I wanted them to be happy. They were my world and I thought that I was their world. I was wrong.

To know and understand when truth looks into your eyes. Honest, real love and affection to flow without hesitation. To love someone without hesitation and let down the wall that prevents happiness to fill an empty heart.
To hide behind a shield is not love...Open your heart to all that you may have but are too afraid to risk stems from old wounds and scars that need to be let go.

To closing those haunting fears that have left me so empty for so long are beginning to shed.
As I look behind me and see the scales of my past and the weight attached to it carrying that
torch of the victim and the helplessness that associates with it. Somehow, I had lost who I
am and what I stand for. Letting someone rule my heart when I should not have ...a lesson not
to forget too soon. I had forgotten how much I have to really offer to those who mean something to me. Wrapped up in a self destructive relationship that has not accomplished any of the
dreams and goals that I had hoped to attain. Once you learn and can accept one's flaws an
I begin to realize that the fear of letting go once you have accepted what is the inevitable.
Pride, is what has kept me in this enclosed box of blackness and I refused to see what was right in front of me all along.
have seen and has been screaming for me to listen.

Ending or Beginning

Roaring winds blow

uncertainty
Voice of intuition
knows
Blue eyes cry
why?
Unstoppable for harmony
I
left
Deceit and lies
yours.....
secrets you hide
another alibi
Wishes and dreams
gone
Starting over again
without
Time with you
doom
Selfish and unkind
you never compromise
Reality and truth
I see color
A lonely time
gray
ends
No nvacancy here
now
heartache without embrace
blackness
a horrible place
gone
Love not given
I accept now
forever


jd anderson

Landing in Feathers~ I hope soon

~With every page of my life that turns ~
Hope for growth, strength, knowledge and self awareness come to my thoughts. I know what my weaknesses are, and I honestly have tried and am determined to strengthen the very things that haunt and prevent me from achieving the real happiness that I know that I deserve.

This Chapter has been very difficult on many levels of my heart, mind, soul and spirit. One thing that I try to remember..[and i did say try] is that when something keeps presenting its self without resolution obviously you aren't learning and doing what needs to be done.
Those that know who I am at the core understand the hard headed lady that I am..and so it seems it takes me a long time for realism to latch on make me see what I need to see.
That old saying, try and try and try again.....well, you can not bring that into real personal events..not really. Just as the saying An old horse can not learn new tricks...hmm thoughts on that more real..lol.
Decisions for me can be very challenging. *Not to sound like I am a weak or incapable of being self relying, but there is a part of me who would love to relinguish my reins for true love. Is there such a thing? I am waiting...and have learned many things that I can carry with me always. I honestly would like to be partnered with someone who likes to be in charge. Who would take honor in giving me his love and who wants to take care of me and my needs. I guess I was sharing just then some of my dreams.. I am a Libran the only sign of partnership..and who loves to be in love and be surrounded with love, beauty, harmony. but it has taken this libran a very long time to realize that dreams are fairy tales...and fairy tales never come to pass. Loneliness is a horrible feeling and it roots very deep once it is welcomed.
The root of decisions that I made in the past have been made and revolve around someone else, rather than myself.. No, I am not a martor, but my nature is that of a giving one and many times things done are done with my heart and I haven't ever thought through with my head. A hard lesson that I have had to learn through many tears and heartbreaking times. I do believe in sacrifice and giving to those that I love or think that I love. Once faced with the enevidable When you know it is time to just walk away and cut your losses and give up what was never going to be love anyway.. is a hard pill to swallow.
Everyone who has given an not been given back to or who has been hurt through some type of personal experience knows where I am going with this. However, my down fall of being that kind, jest woman. is that I do not adapt well to lots of change. At these times I know it is the lack of self worth and esteem that hold me to the world that makes me so unhappy.

The feeling of being uprooted and starting all over again is not the type of things that are on my ""wow, I can't wait list" " Changes that effect my mind, soul and feelings are most hard for me. We can not always have the things that we want nor is someone else willing to give them to you.

With the hope of a new fresh time just ahead for me ,honestly I am ready for this change that has presented its self to me and has for close to two years. How was I so negligent to see such things? Was it the pride of knowing what I have done to try to make something work? Lack of love that I have for myself? The challenge of force to change until clear recently...Only I guess the spirit that looks after their loved ones truly know these things..I am just so grateful that he kept showing me until I could see what needed to be shown to me. I needed to see as well as feel with my head and not just with my heart.
""Don't fight what the inevitable"" it will only bring more misery to your life.

~warmest thoughts,
e